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T-Reich's Shitty Reviews: Universal Studios Theme Park Adventure

Started by Tyrannosaurus Reich, January 25, 2008, 07:51:11 PM

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Tyrannosaurus Reich

Yeah. I decided to do a review. Please excuse my awful writing skills, but I really just made this to tell the world to burn every copy of the shit game ever created.

Story:
You're some kid who goes to Universal Studios, and they're having a stamp/sticker/whatever collecting contest. HOW EXCITING.
3 out of 10

Sound:
Sort of varies. By which I mean it's either "Eh" or "HOLY FUCK WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP". The music, mainly the "overworld" theme (The music which you hear when not playing a mini-game) is alright. But the thing is, you'll be hearing it A LOT. Almost to the point where you will want to drive your brain out with a screwdriver.

Then, there's the voice acting. Aside from motherfucking Woody Woodpecker (Yes, he's in the game as well), it's bad. Very bad. It makes the Bible Black dub sound amazing. I'm not kidding. Words cannot describe how bad the voices are, so I'll just shut up and move on to graphics.
4 out of 10

Graphics:
Mediocre at best. The character models look pretty bad (Aside from MOTHERFUCKING WOODY WOODPECKER), add to the fact their lips don't even move when talking. Talking to SHITTY VOICE ACTING I might add. And the water effects (In the Water World portion of the game) look like an old PS1 game.
5 out of 10

Gameplay:
THIS is where things get REALLY bad. Once you play a mini-game, there are then lines in front of the "attractions" where you play the mini-games (Which we will talk about later). The only way to play the games again is to buy hats or shoes or whatever. How do you do this? Collect points. How do you get points? In the dumbest ways possible. You shake hands with freaks in costumes, you collect litter on the ground, and a bunch of other shit like that. Trust me, you will be doing this A LOT. Which is one reason this game is such a disaster.

Once you FINALLY get an accessory of some sort to play a mini-game....it's not even worth it. The games are terrible. The difficulty varies from "Too easy" to "Next to impossible". The only, even REMOTELY fun game is the Jurassic Park one.

And the quizzes, holy fuck, the quizzes. This is the part that makes the game impossible to finish. The questions consist of movies you either haven't watched, or HAVE watched but don't give a shit about the names of the people who made it. Unless you have seen and gathered information on every single movie ever created, then the quizzes will be pretty much impossible.
0 out of 10

Replay Value:
HA HA YEAH THAT'S RICH
-5000 out of 10

Overall:
If you see a copy of this game, buy it. So you can burn it it, bury the ashes so deep in the ground that your shovels melt from being so close to the Earth's core, and then use the hole which you used to bury the ashes as the spot for a public restroom. I am not joking. This game is so horrendously bad it actually makes children, teenagers, adults, the elderly, and living organisms of any type cry.
0 out of 10

Pros:
-Woody Woodpecker.
-Nobody knows about this game except for me.

Cons:
-EVERYTHING ELSE.

Final Comments:
lol i suck at reviews

Fusion

At last, the C-C-Combo Breaker of reviews has come!  You should do reviews more often.  You'll get better as time goes on.

Trust me.

Tyrannosaurus Reich

Quote from: Fox McCloud on January 26, 2008, 01:20:12 PMAt last, the C-C-Combo Breaker of reviews has come!  You should do reviews more often.  You'll get better as time goes on.

Trust me.

Thankies.

Also, I probably will make some more reviews, although they may be mostly for shit games.